Legend of the Guardians

Okay, I'm bored. Plus, I've seen some $hitty-a$$ movies lately, so it's time to blog about 'em, Jimmy P-style...

LEGEND OF THE GUARDIANS: THE OWLS OF GA'HOOLE - Whoa. Save your money, parents. Wait until your kids get older and just send them to Waipahu for a chicken fight. Same thing...

IRON MAN 2 - Pretty good sequel to the original until a TRANSFORMERS movie broke out without Megan Fox. Scarlett Johannson should've at least stripped or something...

MORE THAN A GAME - LeBron documentary. Liked it until we were all forced to watch the sequel where he decided to tell us in an excruciating hour how he was planning to go to Miami to get divorced from his wife soon...

THE STEPFATHER - My family should be afraid. You never know...

LAW ABIDING CITIZEN - Movie for guys who like movies. Extreme action and violence. My wife liked it, too. For one Scottish reason...

MY SISTER'S KEEPER - (Sniff) No...(sniff, sniff)...comment...(sniff, sniff, sniff)...

THE HANGOVER - Funny a$$ $hit!! Best comedy in awhile. That Korean dude stole the show. And the fat guy. And Mike Tyson...

THE BOX - "What's in the box??!!" (Use Brad Pitt SEVEN voice). Or watch SEVEN instead...

THIS IS IT - BLACK OR WHITE or even Asian, you're gonna love this movie!! A musical THRILLER like no other. MJ's a BAD man!! Even if he was trying to HEAL THE WORLD of child molestation by JAMming his DIRTY DIANA down some PYT's...

NINJA ASSASSIN - If Quentin Tarantino was Korean and directed THE MATRIX, this is what you would get...

THE LOVELY BONES - Better than the book...especially since I didn't read it...

THE BLIND SIDE - Kept thinking that Sandra Bullock's a$$ looked like J Lo's when it made its debut in SELENA. Great movie, nonetheless...

JENNIFER'S BODY - GREATEST...(Megan)...MOVIE...(Fox)...EVER...(is in)...MADE!!! (this)...

AVATAR - La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...I saw the SMURFS...

PRECIOUS - Black movies are hardcore. And I'm not talking about porn. Like a Tyler Perry movie on steroids. Mariah Carey acts better when she's ugly. Or maybe I just notice her acting more when she's not showing us her MUSIC BOX...

EDGE OF DARKNESS - What Mel wants to do to his wives...

UP IN THE AIR - All joking aside, excellent movie. If I were a critic, this is the one I'd recommend to seem smart...

THE BOOK OF ELI - Typical Denzel. Mila Kunis is clearly of age to take her clothes off now...

PERCY JACKSON: THE LIGHTNING THIEF - Poor man's HARRY POTTER. Flashbacked to learning Greek mythology at the greatest school in the world, THE KAMEHAMEHA SCHOOLS...

MOTHER - Weird enough that Blake and Pat would love this movie. Asians make creepy $hit. What's wrong with you yellow people?

KICK-ASS - Loved this movie. Especially the little girl. Inappropriate, yet clever. Give it a chance...

HOT TUB TIME MACHINE - Surprisingly better when you watch it with your boys in a secure heterosexual way. 80's references are priceless...

THE BOUNTY HUNTER - I liked it. Not great, but good enough. Anniston's getting old. Reminds me of our Disneyworld trip...

THE LAST SONG - Not bad. Watching it with your Wifey count as being romantic?

DATE NIGHT - Best short, light comedy I've seen in awhile. Must-rent if you're always busy. Great chemistry...

WHY DID I GET MARRIED, TOO? - Don't know why either. Nah, just kidding. Basic Tyler Perry formula...

CHLOE - Lesbian romp that my beautiful wife wanted to rent. Who am I to stop her?

THE KARATE KID - Japanese, Chinese...it don't matter to me. I love all girls...I mean, movies like this...


Break's almost over. Keep the balcony closed. See you at the movies...