New Moon

THE UGLY TRUTH - My kinda movie. Romantic comedy that brutally talks about relationship truths. Men are from Mars, Girls are from their anus. We really enjoyed this one. Katherine Heigl is attractive in a whole-package kinda way. Gerard Butler is one cool dude. He's like the White Will Smith. His character was classic. Similar to HITCH now that I think of it. Kinda. Although the movie's pretty predictable, the ride's still pretty entertaining and fun. Great date movie. Great date with the Wifey...

BRUNO - Like BORAT, but believe it or not, more crudeness and awkwardly funny sex scenes. The guy's a genius. Really pushes the envelope of comedy. Gotta really wonder how real it is. Basically, fun to watch because the joke's really on the people that are actually in the movie. Found myself cracking up throughout. How does he not get his a$$ kicked?

STAR TREK - This ain't yo Daddy's Star Trek!! Really? But, did you see STAR WARS? Then, you've seen this movie, too...

NEW MOON - First of all, the movie wasn't that bad. Was it as good as the first one? About the same, I guess. Menage a trois romance gift-wrapped in some bestiality action. Entertaining enough, I suppose. What I couldn't stand about the movie was the cheesy, breathy dialogue. You know when actors try doing that sexy voice all breathing down each other's necks like that's supposed to project passion and restraint all rolled into one? I find that ridiculously funny most of the time. Who talks like that? They don't even do that in porn. Or so I've heard. Every scene with that slut and either guy reminded me of every Queen Amidala/Anakin Skywalker scene in ATTACK OF THE CLONES. The writer should be shot. Also, the Cullens' dad looks like Corey Feldman and Tom Cruise's love child. And also, my wife's a perv for checking out that underaged lupine. And furthermore, the real appeal of the TWILIGHT series is that all girls want to have two guys at the same time. And finally, a Mormon had to write these books 'cause only they could understand the yearning and longing associated with not ooofing and the implications of polygamy...

DISTRICT B13 - Some ignorant, illiterate guy who works with delinquents at our school recommended this to me and it was surprisingly pretty damn good. I was impressed. And, the movie wasn't that long either. If you took Matt Damon from the BOURNE series and taught him some Jackie Chan street stunts, you'd get an idea of the stylized action in this film. Amazing stuff. Felt like I was watching ONG BAK with French guys in it. Even the story was pretty original. Could see them really doing this kinda sketchy stuff in the future. They should do it now. Drop a bomb on certain areas to save everybody else. It was like a kung fu movie with no Asians. I guess it was like a better Steven Seagal movie with graceful runners...


Wow. Been watching some damn good movies lately. Think I got Netflix all figured out. Gotta keep 'em coming. That's what she said...

Where the Wild Things Are

G.I. JOE: RISE OF THE COBRA - This movie sucked some major a$$!! And now that you know, knowing is half the battle. Don't watch this $hitty-a$$ movie. I don't think I've ever seen a blockbuster movie this bad. At least TRANSFORMERS 2 had Megan Fox to save it...

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE - This movie was...well, let's say, "different". I liked it. Deena loooooovvvvved it. The kids were laughing AND crying throughout. Pretty interesting movie. I've never read the kids book, so I can't compare, but the movie was entertaining, deep, and somewhat strange. The only negative parts were in the middle where I couldn't figure out where the story was going or what lesson they were trying to teach the kids. In fact, this is where I was kinda disturbed because there were so many kids in attendance. I wouldn't necessarily classify this as a kids movie. Too deep. Too violent, at times. A lot of wild, misbehaving going on. Check the title. The furry animals appeal to little kids and the heartwarming story will make them cry, but the journey might be a little too much for their little brains to wrap around. Nevertheless, everybody liked it. They damn well better for the price we paid to watch it in the theaters...

THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123 - Alas, an excellent, caperish, thriller movie. Two accomplished actors. Intriguing plot. Add NY as the backdrop. Mix. Stir. Shake. Blend. Everybody goes home happy. Does Denzel ever make a bad movie? Wifey liked Travolta's bad-boy look. He should thank Quentin Tarantino for his career. Have you ever seen Denzel's wife? Seriously, rent this one. Solid, entertaining movie...

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY - $hhhhhhiiiiiiiiiittttttt!!!! Hey, why don't you guys all give me $7, and then, I'll take it, wipe my a$$ with it, rip it up, and flush it down the toilet. Sorry, guys. My bad. Thought it would be scarier. Thought it would be more entertaining. Thought you guys wouldn't get sick. I didn't know this was a comedy. I've been more afraid walking outside to take out the trash at night. I've been more afraid waking up in the middle of the night to take a piss. I've been more afraid going to work each day dealing with stupid kids. I think the real, scary thing is how much money this guy made taking his homemade video to the big screen...

IP MAN - Great movie. Wow. Hard to breathe life into an overdone genre, but this movie succeeds in doing so. Thanks, Leish! Excellent fighting sequences. I felt like Steven Seagal crashed some Wing Chun party, but thankfully didn't run. Threw in some Sino-Japanese history in the second half. Do the Chinese have an inferiority complex? Bruce Lee always had to kick some Nip a$$ in his movies, too, right? Donnie Yen is like the Rajon Rondo of Chinese martial artists. No matter what, can't break into the top three or four. This movie was so good, I'd watch it again. Got any more like that, Leish?


They should make a movie on how stupid kids are nowadays. They should make a movie on the deterioration of society and how the world is going to $hit. They should make a movie on how kids feel entitled, and how they feel we don't help them at all because we expect them to actually do things for themselves once in awhile. Lezzie Lingle should star in it and they can start filming in my classroom on Furlough Fridays...

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN - Cue Megan Fox. Bend over. Show some cleavage. Bat your eyelashes. Lick your lips. Use your sexy voice. Toss your hair around. Toss your salad. And...have some heavy machinery run and explode around her. Good enough for me...

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE - I liked this movie. Something about seeing superheroes fight and learning a little about their background always gets my attention. If only Megan Fox could've been in it...

ICE AGE: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS - Watched this with Lil' Miss Kawai. (Kahia was too busy UFC-fighting his mom about his homework.) She was laughing throughout. And telling me she's feeling like she's watching the movie all alone because, heaven forbid, I DON'T like to talk while I'm busy trying to WATCH a movie. Like the other Ice Age movies were, this one was good and cutesy, too. Watch it with Kawai's narration, and it'll seem a little funnier, too...

ASTRO BOY - Date with Kawai. Other than the fact that she liked the movie, this movie was terrible. Felt like I was watching a space-age PINNOCHIO. Or an animated A.I. Must be spoiled with too many Pixar flicks. Ice Age might've spoiled me, too. On a side note, Kawai had to go to the bathroom three times in five minutes at the theater 'cause she's a liar-liar-pants-on-fire...

HALLOWEEN - Yup, the original. Watched it on, yup, Halloween. Didn't seem as scary as when I was younger. Didn't watch the whole thing 'till now. Sure had a lot of teenagers trying to ooof in this one. Except Jamie Lee Curtis. That's where they went wrong. Believe it or not, wouldn't mind watching all the Halloween's eventually...


Check out all the colon'd movies above. What a coincidence. Probably need a colonoscopy on my next birthday. What a coincidence...