The Haunting in Connecticut

PUSH - Kind of X-Menish. However, kinda original, as well. Actually watching WATCHMEN next, which seems to be along these same superhero lines. Instead of really specific names, all these characters had general names like "watchers," "pushers," "screamers," "shadows," etc. Dakota Fanning was in this one trying to add to her pubescent movie roles. Djimon Hounsou was also in it for my wife's viewing pleasure. That FANTASTIC FOUR Torch dude was another main character. All in all, pretty entertaining movie. Any of the X-Men movies are better, of course. Couldn't figure out why Beautiful wanted to watch this movie and Watchmen. Weird, huh. Must be the almost-all-male superhero cast that she looks forward to. Sounds about right. They should make a hot, semi-porn superhero movie with an all-hottie cast. Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, etc. I'd pay to watch that. They can call it PUSH, PUSH, IN THE BUSH...

BLOOD WORK - Catchy title. You'll see. An old Clint Eastwood flick. Thought I'd give it a chance because of his recent movie classics. GRAN TORINO, MILLION DOLLAR BABY, CHANGELING. All good, right? This one was a little dated. First part was kinda slow. Middle started picking up and finally got a little more graphic and interesting. By the end, I thought it was not bad. Kinda clever. Only one problem though. You'll figure out who's the killer right from the start. If you're gonna have only one other famous person in your movie, you might not wanna make that person the killer. Actually, another problem was that he inexplicably ooofed this Latino girl towards the ending of the movie out of leftfield. Director's benefit, I guess. His Viagra dosage probably didn't wear off yet. Seems like he was still developing his directing style in this one. Still, a pretty good thriller if you got time to kill. And already have HBO...

THE NAMESAKE - An Indian (7-11) movie about coming to America, but not losing your cultural identity. Kinda deep and heartfelt, I guess. Problem is, I'm not Indian. I just feel like drinking a slurpee. Kal Penn (Kumar) had the starring role. He's gotta be Bollywood's go-to Indian guy. If SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE and COMING TO AMERICA were a combo-documentary, it might look like this. I imagine many young, foreign people have this problem when they travel abroad and try to take advantage of opportunities not given to their ancestors. Wish more Hawaiians had this problem instead of being satisfied with living on the beach or invading Iolani Palace. How do you become a more well-rounded individual without losing your cultural identity? I would suspect that your racial lines become blurred the more you progress as a human being. What? Huh? You think my wife's Asian? No!! She's a confused mix of Hawaiian, White, and sometimes, even Black. She's Koa Woods...

EVERYONE'S HERO - Free movies at Dole Theaters!! Until you buy their outrageously priced snacks...that Da Lil' Manongs are going to end up wasting anyway. This animated baseball cartoon movie was okay, I guess. I actually slept about 3 or 4 times during the movie. That's how good it was. All I know is that if you were wondering whether or not you should have kids, go to Dole on Tuesdays, and I guarantee you you'll tie your tubes. Kinda hard to comment on any animated movie that's not Pixar. Or Dreamworks. Yeah, I've become a animated movie snob. That's what happens when you have kids that watch the same damn movie over and over and over and over. Kids enjoyed themselves (I think?), so that's all that matters...

THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT - Starring no one worth mentioning. Seen the preview of this? Looked scary as hell, right? Based on THE true story. Not A true story. Anyway, to be honest, there were some jump-outta-your-seat-$hit-in-your-pants moments. You know, turn around, scary guy right there, cue the loud music kinda stuff. Kinda repetitive though. And not to be all Academy Awards, but the acting, I thought, was terrible. Beautiful liked the true story of it all. I guess when you accept that this stuff actually happened, it is kinda crazy. I wanted more though. Scare me throughout instead of making me laugh and anticipate when something's obviously coming. I want to be scared so much that I'm thinking about it all through the night. I want to be afraid to leave my bed to go piss in the middle of the night. Nah, knock on wood. I just want to be entertained a little bit. I'd have to say that this was an overhyped movie. Unless you're not used to scary movies, then you might wanna rent this one 'cause it might scare you more than it did us. Here's a tip: don't watch scary movies with a fan blowing. The constant sound, to me, made the scary parts not as scary. How many times have I used the word "scary"? Turn off the lights, absolute silence, that probably would've been better. Couldn't help that it was damn hot last night though...


School's starting in a bit. That kinda sucks some major a$$. Netflix to the very end...

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Anybody actually read this junk? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller?


KNOWING - I be Knowing one thing. This movie was the shizzle until the very end. You gotta wonder how certain endings get approved. Reminded me of HANCOCK. Who the hell goes, "...and then we'll end with THIS!!"?? As far as sci-fi movies go, this one was damn good...until that Hollywood-crap ending. Also, had a little horror-suspense feel to it that we enjoyed. Nic Cage was his usual quirky self. Creepy apocalyptic concept. Great movie. Terrible ending...

THE UNBORN - Not bad. You've probably seen the preview and thought it would be good. We definitely got sucked in, but thought it would be better. Some somewhat scary parts. Maybe half a Hershey's squirt in my pants. They had a Megan Fox knockoff in this movie who always seemed to be walking around in some "cheekies." Perfect casting, if you ask me. Should've been scarier though. And she should've worn a thong...

MONGOL - Movie about the life of Genghis Khan before he created his empire. Pretty interesting. Beats watching a boring-a$$ documentary in Social Studies class. Cinematography was excellent. Don't all Asianish movies have beautiful scenery to look at? Felt like I was watching BRAVEHEART with Mongols. Gruesome fighting. Blood spurting everywhere. Definitely, a guys' movie. Apparently, proves the theory that guys do amazing things for their woman. It received some high ratings and I'd have to agree with them...

FRED CLAUS - Christmas in July! I don't know what the hell made me watch this movie, but I was pleasantly surprised. Vince Vaughn, Paul Giamatti, Kevin Spacey, Kathy Bates, Rachel Weisz, Elizabeth Banks, and Luda might've had something to do with it. Is it me or does Vince Vaughn always seem to be winging all his lines in every movie? They probably just roll the camera and let him go nuts. Can't believe he was in PSYCHO. Good family movie. Problem is, I was watching it all by myself. It was like ELF with heart minus the silly Will Ferrell antics...

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE - Guess who the half-blood prince is? Sssssss...like I would tell you. Okay, I don't know what all you bibliophiles think, but I thought the movie was pretty damn good. Cool effects. More adult-like violence. Cutesy love dodecahedrons here and there. I wonder what it's like growing up on a movie set? You think they all "first kiss" on set, too? Weird, huh. Anyway, the best praise I can give this movie is that it made me kinda wanna read the books. Kinda. The movies take so long to come out that I always forget who's who. I always try to remember my questions for after the movie and run it by my Slytherin wife. Despite all the hype, I'm always pretty satisfied watching the movies. Of course, that may be because I've never read any of the books. The whole Harry Potter world is pretty genius and profitable...


Summer's winding down. Probably get depressed and watch even more movies during the remaining time...

The Proposal

More movies...


RUN, FATBOY, RUN - Hottie Thandie Newton, surprisingly buff, quirky Hank Azaria, and the hilarious Simon Pegg. I think Ross from FRIENDS directed this movie. Believe it or not, this movie was superb. Just felt like using that adjective. But really though, this movie was hilarious. Pegg's like the British Ben Stiller. Always playing the underdog common man who gets $hit on through the entire movie for our entertainment. He was good in SHAUN OF THE DEAD, too. Ever notice that Azaria plays oddball characters? Ever notice he's buff? Of course, I noticed Thandie Newton a lot more, but I'm just saying. A great movie about winning back the girl of your dreams. I was practically laughing during the whole movie...

MURDER BY NUMBERS - Sandra Bullock and Ryan Gosling before he was famous. Old movie, but I'd thought I'd watch it 'cause I just saw THE PROPOSAL and felt like giving Bullock more chances when she was young and spry. Not bad of a movie. Bullock played that exact same hard-nosed detective character she played in MISS CONGENIALITY before she transformed into the beauty queen. It was kinda weird to see her like that. She was all trying to jump her partner's bones throughout. That part I didn't mind, of course. You think most guys would rather hang with a girl like Bullock or someone like Megan Fox? This movie seemed eerily similar to some story I've either read about or heard on the news. Couldn't quite place it, but it seemed based on a true story. Not bad. Not great...

THE KINGDOM - Now this movie was the bomb!! And I'm not just saying it 'cause it was a movie about terrorism. Jamie Foxx definitely don't make $hitty movies anymore. Jennifer Garner, Chris Cooper, and Jason Bateman co-starred. Lots of action and real-world relevance. For some reason, I felt like I was watching TRAFFIC, except it was about oil, terrorists, and Saudi Arabia. Usually, I can't stand this type of movie, but this one was interesting. Great ensemble acting. Explosive action. Riveting suspense. Jason Bateman always makes the most of his minor roles (HANCOCK, JUNO). Garner has this one scene where she goes all ALIAS on this one guy and terrorizes his a$$. I bet she can kick Ben Affleck's a$$ in real life. Excellent movie. Go rent it...

VANTAGE POINT - Dennis Quaid, Forest Whitaker, and Jack from LOST. Haole RASHOMON-style movie about the assassination of the president. Kinda cool, I guess. A bit overrated. A bit irritating to wait for the culmination of points of view. Is it me or does Forest Whitaker look like a Black Chunk from GOONIES? I don't know why, but he seemed to be overacting the whole movie. But then again, he has won an Oscar, so what do I know. Okay movie. They should make a porn movie in Rashomon-style. That would be interesting. Don't steal my idea...

THE PROPOSAL - If you're going on a date with your woman (or man), and you're going to have to dish out all that money anyway at the theaters, you might as well watch this movie. Can't go wrong. Your girl will appreciate it. You'll score some points. And, you'll be rolling the entire time. That's the part I didn't expect. Was actually a lot funnier than I expected. Ryan Reynolds is the next superstar, I think, if he isn't already. That guy has impeccable comedic timing and delivery. I found myself just laughing at his facial expressions. We saw this movie with the Halfmanns, which was a bonus. Yeah, they like us better than the rest of you guys. One of the better romantic comedies I've seen in awhile. Take your soulmate to this movie. You might even get lucky...


Okay, back to the MJ memorial. That, in itself, could probably be a blockbuster movie...

Friday the 13th

I watched a $hitload of movies, but didn't feel like blogging about it 'til now...


VAN WILDER - Starring Hollywood's "IT" guy of the moment, Ryan Reynolds. Old party movie, I know. Tara Reid and Kal Penn were in it, too. Kal Penn's Punjabi accent was hilarious. Or was that his real native accent? Anyway, you can see the early days of an undeniable star even if this movie wasn't exactly Oscar-worthy. Lot of nudity though, so obviously worth the rent...

THE GUARDIAN - Gotta admit, despite starring Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher (playing a serious role for once), this movie was surprisingly good. Damn good, even. It's like TOP GUN in the water. About Coast Guard divers saving lives. The ocean scenes put you right there with the drowning. Almost like watching a sports movie where you're all inspired and rooting for the main characters feeling the bonding of humanity. Huh? What? Seriously, give it a chance. It's in Netflix's Top 100, so you know it has to be good. Pleasantly surprised to the point of almost wanting to watch MEN OF HONOR. Almost...

NOTORIOUS - No-no-no-notorious!! The biopic of Biggie Smalls AKA Notorious B.I.G. Obviously, you gotta like rap music to like this movie. I enjoyed it. Loved the music. Loved the background portrayals of Biggie, Diddy, and even Lil' Kim. One thing you gotta love about Big...he has to be the most successful cockeyed fatty ever!! Wasn't given any advantages in life and he still made it! Impressive. Not only could he rap, he was tappin' all dat a$$!! Incredible...

QUANTUM OF SOLACE - Sequel to CASINO ROYALE. Similar to the BOURNE series. I still enjoyed it very much even though critics blasted this movie for abandoning the Bond formula. He still kicked a$$. He still got the ladies. He still escaped every car chase and explosion. What's not to like? If you like action, this is where it's at. Somehow, though, I always get lost in the story. Must be old age...

FRIDAY THE 13TH - The remake of the original. Probably not as scary, but we still liked it and $hit in our pants. Nah, only my wife did. Don't you like how camping always means that you're going to die f@cking? I guess that's the way I'd prefer to leave this world, too. If you gotta go, you might as well get in one last ooof. The only noticeable difference to me was that Jason was actually running around in this movie instead of doing that slow motion stalking where he goes really slow, but somehow keeps up with all the victims running away. If some crazy guy had a machete and a hockey mask on, wouldn't you think that camping in the same vicinity is a bad idea? Just a thought...


More to come. Gotta go do what all them Friday the 13th couples were doing minus the machete in the back...