Madea Goes to Jail

Here's the next five movies. In case anyone cares...


CHOCOLATE - No, not the boring one with Johnny Depp. This one was a lot more interesting. It was about an autistic SPED girl whose one RAINMAN talent was being able to imitate some Muay Thai martial arts. Yup. She kicked some serious a$$, too. Who says SPED kids can't be successful? Watch them in their element...

THE LAST DRAGON - Yup, just seen it now. Was kinda worth the wait. Sho 'Nuff!! Nothing better than kick-a$$ kung fu and cheesy, 80's dialogue. And that Vanity? Looking like Halle Berry? She should be in more movies. Like MONSTER'S BALL 2: FIST OF SPICY TUNA...

HOTEL FOR DOGS - Cutesy movie only 'cause a cutesy narrator was watching the movie with me. Made sure to tell me when the good parts were coming up. Made sure to tell me all the dogs' names. Made sure I pronounced "Georgia" right. "It's GEEorgia. Not Jorja..." I find that quizzing a five-year-old during a lame, kiddie movie actually makes it more enjoyable to watch...

SHINOBI: HEART UNDER BLADE - Sense a theme here? This was like X-MEN meets ROMEO AND JULIET meets TWILIGHT. A ninja movie with all of the ninjas having special powers. Two characters actually seemed stolen from the X-men. Liked it, nonetheless. The action, while over-the-top at times, entertained me enough. Nothing wrong with fake fighting. Ask Hulk Hogan and the Rock...

MADEA GOES TO JAIL - What more can we say about Tyler Perry? Sometimes, his movies are hit or miss, but when he does get a hit, that $hit be flying outta the park, yo!! This one's definitely a hit. A triple, at least. He has a knack for combining irreverent humor, awkwardly real issues with real emotions, and a preacher's message with heart. Basically, the kinda movie Black people like to yell and scream at at your local theaters. Nothing wrong with that...as long as I get to watch the DVD in the privacy and safety of my own home. If you like his previous stuff, you might as well rent this one, too. Up there with his better batch of movies. Cook yourself a batch of chitlins...


BRB. LYLAS. KIT. Stay cool...

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

Thought I would be watching better movies since summer started, but apparently, I'm like Kahia at a candy store, paralyzed by my indecision, choosing Twix when I probably really wanted to eat Snickers...


88 MINUTES - This little suspense thriller was actually pretty good. Al Pacino was in it. He's like David Caruso. I actually embrace their idiosyncrasies. Sounds gay, huh. Critics thrashed this movie, but I found it quite entertaining. 88 minutes to figure out who's killing everybody? What's not to like?

RISKY BUSINESS - Takin' it back to the old school. Before Tom Cruise was Tom Cruise. Huh? Didn't know this was a movie about ho-ing. Probably groundbreaking in the 80's. Kinda funny. Booger and Balki were in it. Rebecca DeMornay was the hooch. Good to see the origin of those Guitar Hero commercials...starring the one and only, Kobe "2009 World Champion" Bryant...

PROM NIGHT - Pretty good horror flick. For some reason, felt like I was watching an updated version of CARRIE. No-name actors. Corny story. Beautiful liked it. I thought it wasn't bad. Seen worse. Your basic stalker-chasing-around-some-teens movie. Like the genre and you'll probably like the movie...

ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA 2 - Okay, this movie sucked some Chun Wah Kam manapua a$$!! I don't get it at all. Yeah, the fighting may have been spectacular for its time. Yeah, Jet Li was in it. Anything else? I didn't enjoy it at all. Okay, maybe the fake-a$$ fighting. Other than that, the English translations were terrible. Laughable. Plus, didn't care for the history lesson. I'm Asian, but not that Asian. Like biting into a manapua and finding out that you're eating pussy...cat...

UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS - The prequel to all those hottie Kate Beckinsale vampire movies. With one exception...she wasn't in it!! They had a substitute hottie. She looked more vampish than Kate. And got down and dirty, unlike Kate. That's always a plus. Surprisingly, this was pretty good. Kept our attention. Doesn't take much, I guess. Maybe 'cause Wifey's part vampire and I'm full werewolf, we can relate...


Okay. Crappy movies. Need more quality as opposed to quantity. Too much spare time on my hands. $hitty movie viewing is inevitable. Where's all the summer blockbusters?

Up

Saw these movies this week. The movies should be flowing now that summer's here...


PAUL BLART: MALL COP - Pretty funny, though a tad bit overrated. The kids watched it about 4 times. They could even quote some of the parts. A five-year-old and seven-year-old doing an Indian accent? Funny stuff. Light movie to watch if you're in a bad mood. Though it had its moments, we weren't dying laughing or anything like that...

CASINO ROYALE - Wow!! I hate James Bond, but I loved this movie. This definitely ain't your daddy's James Bond. It's supposed to be before he got all sophisticated and debonair. He was all raw, didn't give a $hit, and was kicking some serious a$$. Seems 007 was a loose cannon and almost didn't become the special agent Fuj knows and loves today. Felt more like the Jason Bourne series, especially the fight sequences. The action's kick a$$. The story was a bit complicated to follow. Didn't matter. Just the fact that Bond was pretty much going crazy and ignoring his boss was entertaining enough for me...

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD - This movie was critically acclaimed...so, of course, it sucked some major a$$. First half of the movie was extremely boring. Last 45 minutes was the payoff, but if you come to our house and watch me and Deena fight every day, it'd be the same thing. In case you're wondering, Winslet did ooof AGAIN. A story about the difficulties of marriage. Depressing stuff, really. Guess the appeal of it is its realism...

SHUTTER - Some Americanized remake of a Thai horror classic. ME NO LOVE YOU LONG TIME!! It was okay, I guess. I'd rather watch a girl with a ping pong, but that's just me. Wifey liked it. I thought I was watching THE RING 3. Beautiful got scared. Of course, she gets scared when we watch any horror movie. I'm still waiting for the next SIXTH SENSE type of scared-to-go-to-sleep movie to come along. Oh, well. At least we made use of our HBO On Demand. And there were enough Asian women running around in this movie to keep me interested...

UP - How can Pixar improve on perfection? With this movie!! Words cannot express how awesome this movie is. Action. Adventure. Comedy. Romance. You'll laugh your a$$ off. You'll drown in your own tears. For the kids and the adults. How the hell do the Pixar guys come up with this stuff? Wouldn't it be cool to sit in on their brainstorming sessions? Before I overhype it too much and ruin it, just go see it. You'll love it!! The best Pixar movie to date...


Alright. There it is. Here I come, Netflix!! So little time. So many movies to watch. Won't even have time to watch porn anymore...

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Summer, summer, summertime!! Yeah, booooeeeeeey!!! Now, we're gonna be watching all them summer blockbusters. NOT!! Too f@ckin' expensive. But I'm gonna hit up Netfilx like crazy, yo! Anyway, here's the latest:


THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON - Nope. Not feeling it. Try FORREST GUMP meets BIG FISH meets SIMON BIRCH. I don't know. Great movie and all, but we just didn't care for it much. Like Cate Blanchett. Love Brad Pitt's wife. Maybe it's the aging backwards thing that we couldn't get over. Oh, well...

THE READER - Man, that Kate Winslet is a nympho. Ooofing onscreen like crazy! For someone who got criticized for being too "womanly," she sure don't give a $hit. I like it. Oh, and she can obviously act, too. Takes on all those dysfunctional roles. Gotta love her. This movie, even for me though, was a little too much. Hey, but it promotes literacy. And some other f@cked up ideals. Can't be too picky. Critics loved this movie. Probably why I didn't...

THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM - The long-awaited pairing of the Middle Kingdom's finest, Jet Li and Jackie Chan. As long as you don't expect this to be a serious flick, you'll be pleasantly surprised. We really liked it. So did the kids. It was more like an adventure/fantasy-type family movie complete with that Yuen Woo Ping wire-working kung fu. Lots of action and cool fighting scenes. Barely plausible story. Suspend your disbelief. But the fight choreography? Just beautiful. I recommend it...

PING PONG PLAYA - Now, this movie was the $hit!! Like breaking open a fortune cookie and finding...well...a hidden treasure...of a fortune... Anyway, you know what I mean. I don't know how the hell Joe-Joe "Brandon Lee" 1/2Man1/2Amazing found this movie, but it was damn good!! It's about a Chinese dude who acts Black and acts like he can ball, but somehow ends up taking over his parents' ping pong school. Trust me. It's hilarious. Like watching that one Yao Ming/Ron Artest interview. The wannabe hip-hop Chinaman lines in here were classic. We were rolling. It was so funny, I'll probably re-watch it again some time. ME LOVE THIS MOVIE LONG TIME!! I think Joe-Joe's an inside-out twinkie...or whatever the hell's white on the outside and yellow on the inside...

BABY MAMA - Tina Fey movie. With Amy Poehler and the rest of the SNL cast. We kinda liked this one. Kinda light. Kinda clever at times. Can't go wrong with Tina Fey. Blake liked her waaaaaay before the rest of the geeks. I think she's in his Top Five. Not saying it's the greatest comedy of all time, but if you want a movie quickie, this might be the one for you...


Alright. Have a good one. Nice and breezy today. Like sitting in AC in the theater. Yeah, right. Let the movie marathons begin!! It's SUMMERTIME!!!