Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Gotta admit, I got this short-and-sweet movie review style by copping it from the one and only, James Patterson. Besides, haven't had time to $hit my thoughts on paper (or this blog) like I usually do. Anyway, a couple of reviews for your enjoyment...


ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO - Directed by Kevin Smith. The original. Judd Apatow, you clone! Anyway, good mixture of raunch sauce and love juice. Seth Rogen was hilarious as usual. Don't be expecting porn. But you can expect the porn dialogue. Like real life, once they had sex, the movie went downhill. Anticlimactic, if you know what I mean. Hrrr, hrrr, hrrr, hrrr! Definitely a d!ck flick...or for girls who watch porn "for the story..."

THE LAZARUS PROJECT - Paul Walker. For my wife. Thought I could pass it off as foreplay, but even his smoldering presence couldn't save this train wreck of a movie. Dumbest movie I've seen in awhile. The least they could've done was let Jessica Alba stroll through the movie with a bikini on...searching for underwater treasure. Now that would've been a grrrrreeeeeaaaaaat movie!!

MY BLOODY VALENTINE - BOO!!!!! What a $hitty movie!! Could tell it was meant to be 3D 'cause objects would inexplicably be launched outward towards the screen. How many different ways can you kill someone with a pick axe? Not even scary. The Valentine's theme was sketchy at best. Don't you hate when the twist at the end has something to do with withheld information? "Ah, yeah...Booboo was the killer 'cause he (apparently) has Tourette's and his mom tries to keep him out of class so he doesn't have to do homework..." Huh? What? Hah? You mean you didn't see it coming...


I'm on a $hitty movie streak. Nah, but we got two best picture nominees, so it can only get better. Isn't Netflix the $hit?!! Bye, bye, Blockbuster...