Transporter 3

Starring: Jason Statham and some Chernobyl trailer trash Russian chick

This movie sucked a$$!! Usually, I like this modern-day Van Damme/Seagal's movies, but this one was a little too much. I can't even remember what the hell happened in the first two TRANSPORTERs. Nor do I care. I just like when he kicks everybody's a$$. But then again, that was the problem.

The fight scenes are getting too crazy. Not like CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON flying-through-the-air crazy, but just, I don't know, like sliding-sideways-on-motorcycles-chase-a-car-down-with-a-bicycle crazy. Too much. It's ridiculous even for an action junkie like myself.

The only thing good about Statham is that he actually looks like he can kick some a$$ and he doesn't have to ooof some skank or run with his arms flailing like those other two 90's Whasian David Carradine bozos.

The only thing bad about Statham is that he's bald. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I like the bald look. So does my wife. Hopefully, forever 'cause she's got no choice.

This movie was so lame that I won't even bother telling you guys what it was about. Pretty much the same plot as his Transporter movies or his CRANK movies. Fight, fight, fight. Get the bad guy. Drive his shiny, black car. Wear a suit. Transport some package, which in this case was this unsexy Russian chick who was trying to grab onto his package.

I give this movie two sequels too many for an action franchise that will probably continue to make money because boneheads like myself keep renting it and because Americans like supporting any White guy who they think can emulate far more superior Asian martial artists so they can continue to falsely believe they can bully Asians everywhere. Get your guys' heads outta Chuck Norris's a$$!!