Quickie

Okay, I'm going to pull a Patterson and briefly review each of these...

THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE - Not bad. I didn't buy the romantic link, but the story, I thought, was original enough to keep us watching. We both were pleasantly surprised.

IN THE REALM OF THE SENSES - Wondering what this is? It's a f@cked-up Japanese movie based on a true story about a nympho geisha and her master who end up f@cking each other to death. Not kidding. Non-stop, explicit, disturbing sex. Hard to get excited when you're sick to your stomach.

GRINDHOUSE: PLANET TERROR - Okay, this movie was the $hit!! It's a purposefully-done zombie B-movie that was so over-the-top that I just loved it. Led me to go on a cult horror flick kick.

GRINDHOUSE: DEATH PROOF - Twin bill of the previous movie. Quentin Tarantino's half. Surprisingly, it sucked a$$. Even though I know he did it on purpose, I didn't get the movie at all. The ending may be the only redeeming part of the movie. Especially if you're a girl.

I AM A SEX ADDICT - Our home movies. Just kidding. This was a comedy/documentary of some dude who wanted to chronicle his struggles with his addiction in a humorous, watchable manner. Don't expect a lot of sex. Don't expect LOL humor either. Kinda Indie funny.

SEVEN POUNDS - Will Smith's ambitious Oscar-seeking movie. We liked it. Probably biased though (me) since it's Will Smith. Rosario Dawson's the hottest lizard alive. She should've been on that TV series "V." Remember that? Good drama. Can't tell you anything 'cause of the twist. Well, I guess I've now told you there's a twist.

THE INCREDIBLE HULK - Not bad until this Stay-Puff Marshmallow Hulk came out and fought the real Hulk. They should've just let the Hulk "tear up" Liv Tyler. Good year for superhero movies, but this one is probably the worst.

KUNG FU PANDA - Overrated. We didn't much care for it. The cast of voices was like the New York Yankees of acting. All that talent, but can't feel the chemistry. Pixar would've done it better. Angelina Jolie's voice is still sexy though. She should do those Japanese Manga porn cartoons.


How's that? Short and sweet and my eyes don't hurt...