Appaloosa

Starring: Ed Harris (director), Viggo Mortensen, Renee Zellweger, Jeremy Irons

APPALOOSA is a cowboy movie about two "guns for hire" (Viggo and Harris) who have to rid the town of some outlaw played by Jeremy Irons. Not exactly an original Western concept, but it works nonetheless. Our heroes have been doing this for quite awhile, so they actually have no problems apprehending our villain. Only one thing could possibly screw them up...

Yup, you guessed it. THEIR D!CKS! Pu$$y tends to screw up d!cks, or rather, get screwed BY d!cks. Anytime there's a woman around, things go awry. Renee Zellweger comes into the movie and shakes her a$$ around and before you know it, Ed and Viggo take their eye off the prize. Or rather, they have their eyes on the wrong prize. Depends on your point of view.

Nah, this movie doesn't show any explicit sex. In fact, it hardly shows any kissing. But we know what's going down. Ed Harris, that is.

Anyway, the beauty of this movie lies within the wonderful acting abilities of the cast. Check the credits above. In particular, Ed Harris is the main stallion of the herd, but his character is a bit illiterate, and a simple man who knows his job well, but can't figure out women. Viggo is Robin to Ed's Batman, and seems a bit satisfied with that role because of the respect he has for his buddy. Irons plays the villain well, a role he seems to live and breathe in real life. Zellweger succeeds in being the sophisticated tramp, irritating as hell.

I think the critics liked this movie. I thought it was not bad. Hard to compare with not many Westerns being showed nowadays. 3:10 TO YUMA was much better.

I give this movie two not so YOUNG GUNS trying to bring an unrepentant, UNFORGIVEN man to justice when THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY happen as soon as a LADY AND THE TRAMP show up...