The Longshots

Featuring Ice Cube and that AKEELAH AND THE BEE girl.

THE LONGSHOTS is about a girl who plays quarterback for a championship Pop Warner football team based on a true story. It was your basic ROCKYish Disney sports movie. You notice Disney makes a lot of those inspirational sports movies? Surprisingly, they're all pretty good, too.

The girl, Jasmine, learns to play QB from her down-and-out former high school star uncle (Cube). Her daddy left her, but returns when she starts gaining notoriety. Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit actually directed this movie. Not bad.

I don't know why, but every time I think of Ice Cube, I think of one of his old rap videos when he was hating on MC Hammer and calling him a sellout. How ironic. What ever happened to that Nigg@ With Attitude? Nah, I actually like Ice Cube. Behind Will Smith, he's gotta be the second-best rapper-actor, right? He's like funny without being known for being funny. He needs to make another slammin' single like "Put Ya Back Into It" again. Or how 'bout another classic like "Ghetto Bird" or "It Was a Good Day." Or how 'bout making FRIDAY 15: Next, Next, Next, Next Friday with Dave Chappelle.

How come Black musicians can act? How come Black people in general can act? How come Chappelle turned down 50 million dollars?

Pretty good movie. Disneyish. Feel-good story. Perfect family movie. Perfect movie to show at school for Incentive Day. If I watch another one of these, I'm going to puke though. Too many happy endings. I'd rather go to a massage parlor for that...

Step Brothers

Another Will Ferrell movie. Lots of laughs. Lots of quotable jokes. Who cares about the story?

Actually, STEP BROTHERS wasn't as good as his other stuff, but I kinda enjoyed it nonetheless. I've always liked Will Ferrell for some reason. My lovely wife hates him. She surprisingly liked this movie though.

Step Brothers is about these late thirty-year-old losers who both live with their parents and end up becoming step brothers 'cause their parents hook up and ooof on a whim. The predictable comedy ensues because now instead of just one loser living at home, both are living at home sharing a room together. They basically act like kids and argue like brothers would, except, of course, it's supposed to be funnier 'cause they're older.

Some parts are really silly. Other parts are hilarious. Mostly because they say childish things with adult language. Will Ferrell just has a way of saying things that always makes me laugh and think that he's pretty clever underneath all that silliness. I like him better than Ben Stiller.

I like when you watch the special features on the DVD and they show them ad-libbing the same scene twenty times saying different things off the top of their heads. That's when you get to see their true comedic genius. Where do they come up with some of this stuff?

This is a movie to watch to lighten the mood a bit. I wouldn't say that it's especially good, but it wasn't too bad either. Again, my wife seemed to like it and she hates Will Ferrell. I kinda felt like I was watching PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE except that there were two Pee-wee's and none of them were whacking off in the middle of a theater...

Twilight

Hey, give me a burger, extra mayo, but hold the...

Whoa, Greg (at faculty mtg yesterday), you want some nachos with your...

Man, it stinks in here!! Who squeezed the...

Alright, we're going to take a picture. 1, 2, 3, say...

Once you get over the cheese whiz, I actually thought that TWILIGHT was pretty good. I think it's better that I didn't read the books 'cause I had a greater appreciation for the characters and story instead of spending the whole movie comparing between the two. Not bad at all for a teeny-bopper love-story chick-flick.


As I was watching the movie, I came up with my very own keen observations/questions:

1) Were you girls drooling over this guy when he was in HARRY POTTER?
2) Doesn't Edward look like EDWARD SCISSORHANDS?
3) Is it me or did the dad look exactly like Corey Feldman and Tom Cruise's love child?
4) The Cullen sisters were kinda hot!
5) Do you have to be Indian to be a werewolf?
6) How come Asian guys in the movies gotta be all goofy and/or head of the GT clique?
7) Did you know that Blackula was the Mormon doctor guy in HOUSE?  (Props to my lovely wife for that one...)
8) I liked that Bella wasn't too pretty.
9) The baseball part was the best part to me.
10) I didn't feel the vibe between Bella and DANCES WITH WOLVES.


I understand clearly why all you bloodsuckin' girls like the Twilight books.  It's the longing.  The yearning.  The forbidden love.  The desire.  The forever bad boy.  The I-wanna-ooof-him-but-it-could-get-outta-control fantasy.  You gals like the whole he-can't-control-himself-but-he's-trying thing going on with Edward.  It's like he's respectful, so he's earned the right to violate you cocktease-contradiction thing you girls like to pull on guys for your own pleasure.  It's like, yeah, you want us to see your ta-tas, but hey, don't stare, you perv!!  Girls are from Mars, guys are in your anus.

Seriously, though, pretty good movie.  Guess I have to wait for the whole bestiality love triangle to develop in the sequel, but so far, it kinda held my interest.  I give this movie two distinct sexual fantasies slyly hidden in one cheesy love story written by a naughty Mormon girl who cleverly avoided being excommunicated...