Fist of the White Lotus

Soooooo, you think your kung fu is better than mine? I'll show you...BASTARD!!

That's right. Shaw Brothers Black Belt Theater. Bringing it back to the old school. Way back.

Crouching Tiger and all them other flying-around kung fu movies owe the Shaw Brothers. They made the classics. Master Killer, Five Deadly Venoms. Remember those? Oh, you don't care, huh. Well, if you did, you would know.

Anyway, Fist of the White Lotus features that Gordon Liu guy from Master Killer. They also have the stereotypical white bearded, white eye-browed, white haired, old master who's whipping everyone's a$$ without expending much energy.

The movie is about the White Lotus clan versus the Shaolin clan (I think?). After I got caught up in all the fighting, I kinda lost track of the story. Go figure. All I know is that Gordon Liu's best friend and his girlfriend get killed by that old man master, White Lotus. This was, of course, a little payback for Liu and his boy killing one of their previous masters. Revenge seems to be a recurring theme in Chinese Kung Fu cinema. Why is that? I don't see Yao Ming throwing elbows in the NBA. Maybe the Rockets' coaches should send someone to hurt his brother. Then, he'd play angry and play better. Maybe even Wu Tang Shaq's a$$.

Liu practices and practices AND PRACTICES until he can get HIS revenge. He actually gets beat down a few times. Don't you just love training sequences in kung fu movies? He finally figures out which style to use, and guess what? He actually beats the master. Go figure.

I won't ruin the ending, but let's just say that his style involves paper dummies, acupuncture, and a more effeminate touch. Yup, I know you're just heading down to Chinatown right now asking Won Hung Lo for some manapua and this flick! Yeah, just let me know. I'll let you guys borrow.

The staccato fighting is still fun to watch. The terrible English dubbing is still hilarious. The plot is porous as ever. BUT, you still gotta love those kung fu classics!! Don't lie!! I know you used to watch with your parents when you were younger!

I actually posted the preview about a couple of posts back. You can check it out if you didn't already. I give this movie two rice cakes and some greasy roast pork. I'm getting hungry now...