Blood Diamond

I just saw Blood Diamond tonight amidst the plethora of firecracker noise coming from our neighborhood. Actually, the noise wasn't that bad. You should see my mom them's house. West side!!

The movie, starring Leo DiCaprio, Djimon Hounsou, and in-again, out-again hottie Jennifer Connelly, is about the diamond trade in South Africa. I'm pretty sure that this kinda f@cked-up $hit goes on in Africa right now, but I'm local, so what the hell do I know or care. They didn't give the whole "based on a true story" line, but I'm sure it's based on reality. Or maybe at least Michael Moore reality, whatever you believe that to be.

Leo's the White diamond smuggler, Djimon's the Black fisherman, and Connelly's just there to even up the hotness score for the guys. Okay, so she's some kind of journalist.

Here's the gist of the movie. Diamond "fields" are located in Africa. Americans (and other rich countries) buy diamonds because women are shallow and materialistic and need a big-a$$ diamond ring before they choose to love us unconditionally. In order to get these diamonds, rich countries trade weapons to these poor countries to aid these countries in their civil wars. Rebels who want to fight against their government will enslave their own people to search for these diamonds to gain weapons and the upper hand to overtake the government. Many people die in the wars from these weapons. Many people die slaving over these diamonds that insecure women desperately need as a symbol of our love and commitment. Many people are killing their own race of people. Hence, the movie title. Actually, I really shouldn't be making cracks about this stuff...

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Well, I guess your best friend is a mass murderer, and you're an accessory to murder. That's why they call jewelry "accessories". Holy $hit!! Man, sometimes I even amaze myself with my wit. Flashes of brilliance. It happens a lot. Few more times and I'll proclaim myself a genius.

Anyway, Djimon's son gets kidnapped and forced to soldier for the rebels. Djimon himself is forced to work in the diamond fields. He finds a huge-a$$ pink diamond, and buries it in the hills. Leo plays the con-artist/soldier/diamond smuggler guy who crosses paths with Djimon and offers to "help" him reunite with his family and get the hell out of that $hithole. They actually end up really needing each other. Connelly is there to report all the corruption that goes on in the diamond trade and she finds Leo 'cause he's known as THE diamond guy. She's trying to gather proof and expose a certain diamond company's flaws. "Flaws," get it. Clever, right. It just flows naturally. I can't stop it.

Okay, I'm gonna stop right there. Watch the movie. You won't regret it. This movie has everything. It's entertaining, educational, and critically acclaimed. It has graphic Rambo violence, heart-wrenching drama, and kids doing crazy $hit that's guaranteed to disturb you. It has Leo, Djimon, and Jennifer performing for Oscar. Well, maybe not Jennifer. She's performing for your Johnson. You can't go wrong. Even the soundtrack's good. I highly recommend this movie for deep guys and shallow girls. I give this movie two karats. Bling, bling...