Where the Wild Things Are

G.I. JOE: RISE OF THE COBRA - This movie sucked some major a$$!! And now that you know, knowing is half the battle. Don't watch this $hitty-a$$ movie. I don't think I've ever seen a blockbuster movie this bad. At least TRANSFORMERS 2 had Megan Fox to save it...

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE - This movie was...well, let's say, "different". I liked it. Deena loooooovvvvved it. The kids were laughing AND crying throughout. Pretty interesting movie. I've never read the kids book, so I can't compare, but the movie was entertaining, deep, and somewhat strange. The only negative parts were in the middle where I couldn't figure out where the story was going or what lesson they were trying to teach the kids. In fact, this is where I was kinda disturbed because there were so many kids in attendance. I wouldn't necessarily classify this as a kids movie. Too deep. Too violent, at times. A lot of wild, misbehaving going on. Check the title. The furry animals appeal to little kids and the heartwarming story will make them cry, but the journey might be a little too much for their little brains to wrap around. Nevertheless, everybody liked it. They damn well better for the price we paid to watch it in the theaters...

THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123 - Alas, an excellent, caperish, thriller movie. Two accomplished actors. Intriguing plot. Add NY as the backdrop. Mix. Stir. Shake. Blend. Everybody goes home happy. Does Denzel ever make a bad movie? Wifey liked Travolta's bad-boy look. He should thank Quentin Tarantino for his career. Have you ever seen Denzel's wife? Seriously, rent this one. Solid, entertaining movie...

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY - $hhhhhhiiiiiiiiiittttttt!!!! Hey, why don't you guys all give me $7, and then, I'll take it, wipe my a$$ with it, rip it up, and flush it down the toilet. Sorry, guys. My bad. Thought it would be scarier. Thought it would be more entertaining. Thought you guys wouldn't get sick. I didn't know this was a comedy. I've been more afraid walking outside to take out the trash at night. I've been more afraid waking up in the middle of the night to take a piss. I've been more afraid going to work each day dealing with stupid kids. I think the real, scary thing is how much money this guy made taking his homemade video to the big screen...

IP MAN - Great movie. Wow. Hard to breathe life into an overdone genre, but this movie succeeds in doing so. Thanks, Leish! Excellent fighting sequences. I felt like Steven Seagal crashed some Wing Chun party, but thankfully didn't run. Threw in some Sino-Japanese history in the second half. Do the Chinese have an inferiority complex? Bruce Lee always had to kick some Nip a$$ in his movies, too, right? Donnie Yen is like the Rajon Rondo of Chinese martial artists. No matter what, can't break into the top three or four. This movie was so good, I'd watch it again. Got any more like that, Leish?


They should make a movie on how stupid kids are nowadays. They should make a movie on the deterioration of society and how the world is going to $hit. They should make a movie on how kids feel entitled, and how they feel we don't help them at all because we expect them to actually do things for themselves once in awhile. Lezzie Lingle should star in it and they can start filming in my classroom on Furlough Fridays...

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN - Cue Megan Fox. Bend over. Show some cleavage. Bat your eyelashes. Lick your lips. Use your sexy voice. Toss your hair around. Toss your salad. And...have some heavy machinery run and explode around her. Good enough for me...

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE - I liked this movie. Something about seeing superheroes fight and learning a little about their background always gets my attention. If only Megan Fox could've been in it...

ICE AGE: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS - Watched this with Lil' Miss Kawai. (Kahia was too busy UFC-fighting his mom about his homework.) She was laughing throughout. And telling me she's feeling like she's watching the movie all alone because, heaven forbid, I DON'T like to talk while I'm busy trying to WATCH a movie. Like the other Ice Age movies were, this one was good and cutesy, too. Watch it with Kawai's narration, and it'll seem a little funnier, too...

ASTRO BOY - Date with Kawai. Other than the fact that she liked the movie, this movie was terrible. Felt like I was watching a space-age PINNOCHIO. Or an animated A.I. Must be spoiled with too many Pixar flicks. Ice Age might've spoiled me, too. On a side note, Kawai had to go to the bathroom three times in five minutes at the theater 'cause she's a liar-liar-pants-on-fire...

HALLOWEEN - Yup, the original. Watched it on, yup, Halloween. Didn't seem as scary as when I was younger. Didn't watch the whole thing 'till now. Sure had a lot of teenagers trying to ooof in this one. Except Jamie Lee Curtis. That's where they went wrong. Believe it or not, wouldn't mind watching all the Halloween's eventually...


Check out all the colon'd movies above. What a coincidence. Probably need a colonoscopy on my next birthday. What a coincidence...

Fighting

OLDBOY - Finally completed the f@cked-up Korean revenge trilogy (LADY VENGEANCE, SYMPATHY FOR MR. VENGEANCE). This one might've been the craziest. Twisted $hit!! Yes, I still liked it. Yes, I found it disturbing, but couldn't turn away. And yes, can't wait for this guy's next movie...

WILLOW - Had to take one on the chin for the kids. Had to watch Val Kilmer when he was young. Had to watch some midget who looked like Verne Troyer when he was young. Felt like I was watching PRINCESS BRIDE...except that it was pretty good...

FIGHTING - Terrence Howard. Channing Tatum. Kolohe Slice. Street fighting film to take advantage of MMA's popularity now. Actually, not bad. Channing Tatum film to take advantage of my wife. She'd like that. Have to say that other than Joe-Joe 1/2Man, 1/2Amazing, he's probably the go-to White guy right now in terms of hip, Wigga movies...

DRAG ME TO HELL - What a letdown. Critics said this movie was supposed to be good and scary. We found it pretty boring and predictable. It was so $hitty, my wife didn't get scared at all. No arm-grabbing, cuddling foreplay for me. Boo!

LAND OF THE LOST - This might've been, perhaps, one of the $hittiest movies I've seen, like, EVER!! Wow. Will Ferrell and Danny McBride had their moments. The unknown female lead even had a pretty passable, nice body, but yet, it still sucked some major a$$! Sometimes you gotta wonder if directors are smoking some crack while they're editing the movie...


Short and sweet. Seen a lot of movies lately. More to come...

The Last House on the Left

SYMPATHY FOR MR. VENGEANCE - Crazy kim chee Korean movie about revenge. Pretty sick, but somehow entertaining stuff. I often wonder how people can be so demented. Kinda scary. Any one of those meat jun-selling Yobos could whip out a knife and stab you in the eye. I actually think that the moral of this movie was that seeking revenge against somebody isn't all that it's cut out to be. Not only was the violence crazy, but there was a sex scene which kinda turned me on...I mean, off. Can't fault this movie for taking vengeance to a whole new sick level...

LADY VENGEANCE - Guess who directed this crazy-a$$ movie? You guessed it. Same 'ol Daniel Dae Kim-ish dude. Check the review above. And you thought the last movie was sick. This is like a sequel, but not really. Same theme. Same director. The final installment of his revenge trilogy. OLDBOY is the middle one that I haven't seen yet. I heard that it's the nastiest one of the three. Anyway, Lady Vengeance upped the SAW factor that was introduced in the first movie. Again, I don't know how this guy comes up with this stuff. The messed-up thing is I know some of these ideas exist in the back, dark recesses of everyone's minds. You sick f@cks!! I know if I feel cheated, I sometimes want justice in the worst way. Just saying. I highly recommend both movies...

THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT - What's wrong with us? We might as well go watch a stoning. Another sick, horror flick. Another guilty pleasure. Hey...this movie was about revenge, too. Didn't mean to go on a revenge binge. Just happened that way. Who's offended me lately? Better watch your a$$!! Great movie. The kind where you're a little embarrassed cheering for the heroes to kill the bad guys. What's wrong with cheering for the good guys, right? Scary thing is that what happens in this movie could happen to anybody. Might've been even based on a true story. I can't remember. Another recommend for the truly perverse...

ADVENTURELAND - Ryan Reynolds. That TWILIGHT girl was in it, too. A coming-of-age 80's movie about growing up, dating, rumors, and what happens when you hang out with and ooof the people that you work with. This was an independent flick, and I loved the whole vibe of it. Feels like what really goes on when you start working in your teenage/college years. The whole theme park atmosphere was a plus, too. You get the whole back-story on some of the characters, which makes you realize that, like in real life, you never know what the hell's going on in someone's life that makes them the way they are. Once in awhile, gotta go for the mature, artsy, character-study flick. And this one was smart and funny to boot...

I LOVE YOU, MAN - Beautiful was laughing her a$$ off at this one. Paul Rudd. Jason Segel (the hilarious guy with the frontal nudity in FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL). Rashida Jones (who my wife had to, for some reason, identify as Quincy Jones' daughter). It's about this guy who's getting married who doesn't really have any male friends. Rudd plays the part to perfection, complete with fake-male-machismo. Awkwardly, funny stuff. Ever thought how hard it would be to be a guys' guy if it didn't come naturally to you? I mean, without being like a full-blown f@g? I think that a lot of things guys take for granted that are unique to our gender are explored in this movie in a comedic way. Pretty humorous $hit. Had a good laugh. Had a good time with my wife. Light, entertaining movie. Very relaxing. The kind I like, but haven't seen in awhile...


All five movies were good. I give it a full fist up...your bush...power to the people...

Obsessed

HOT FUZZ - Been watching a lot of British comedy lately, what with RUN, FATBOY, RUN and the HARRY POTTER movies tickling my fancy. That's what she said. Hot Fuzz stars the same witty Brit from the Fatboy movie, Simon Pegg. That guy's a hilarious chap. Maybe you won't think so, but that guy cracks me up for some reason. This movie's about an incorrigible, big-time city (London) cop who gets transferred to the countryside where there's absolutely no crime. That doesn't stop him from enforcing his brand of justice though. This is where the humor lies. An anal bobby with nothing to do? Well, alright, then. There's also a lot of cop-movie references that you'll find yourself chuckling at. Believe it or not, although this is definitely a comedy, it has a lot of heart-pounding action and graphic, bloody violence, especially towards the end. Give this movie a chance. I'm glad I did. Definitely one of those movies where, by the end, you'll be like, "that was pretty good..." A sleeper. Think SHAUN OF THE DEAD with cops and senior citizens. That is, if you've seen that movie. Also, good, by the way...

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU - Not feeling it. How can a movie with that many stars NOT be the best romantic comedy of all time? This is the New York Yankees of romantic comedies. Gotta admit though, I liked the Ben Affleck/Jennifer Aniston couple. And, of course, Scarlett Johansson looked good strutting her curvy self all over the big screen. She's kinda thick, in a good way. Jennifer Connelly somehow plays the nagging wife character pretty damn good, too. Other than that, that main character/narrator girl was irritating as hell. Who the hell would be into somebody that desperate and clueless? Not that I'm an expert, but most of the male stuff seemed pretty accurate. Maybe it was because I didn't seem all that interested in the little separate stories and how they all connected. I don't know. Something just didn't seem right. Not terrible. I just expected more, I guess. Maybe girls like this kinda movie. Seemed like I was watching a movie based on a Cosmo article...

FAST AND FURIOUS - They're baaaaaack! And all you ladies can wet your panties. Pretty much the same stuff as the original, but I still found it quite entertaining. They should've replaced Jordana Brewster with Megan Fox. Just to give the series some spice. Don't know what to say. If you like cars, racing, and Spanish people, this might be worth the rent. If you need any excuse to watch Vin Diesel and Paul Walker do their thing, you may count this as foreplay. Where the hell has Diesel been anyway? Working on THE PACIFIER 2? The problem with this type of movie is that the more spectacular the stunts are, the more unbelievable it gets. Then, all you've got is SPEED RACER on nitro. Sometimes, when I'm driving my Corolla, I feel like getting all fast and furious wanting to weave through that damn morning traffic. My lack of hubcaps severely handicaps my ability to Tokyo drift though. Hope this is the last movie. He'll probably Sly Stallone it and revisit his other movie franchises (XXX, PITCH BLACK)...

OBSESSED - Can you say, "MEEEEEOOOOOWW!!" Nothing better than an Oreo catfight!! Despite being pretty bashed by critics, this movie was pretty damn good. Onscreen hotties Ali Larter and Beyonce? Come on!! Can't turn down a movie like that. The only thing disappointing was that nobody took their clothes off. All that sexy lingerie and slinky dresses just to c@cktease. They might as well have had Jessica Alba in here, too. This movie, while predictable in genre, still managed to entertain us along the way. Reminded me of those FINAL DESTINATION movies where you know everybody's going to die, but it's how they die that grabs you and slams you on your a$$. Beyonce, in particular, plays ghetto better than Halle Berry does, in my humble opinion. Too bad she didn't go all MONSTER'S BALLs-out. Let's call this FATAL ATTRACTION with a sexier touch. Besides, who in their right mind would go after Glenn Close anyway?

THE MESSENGERS 2: THE SCARECROW - This movie may be the $hittiest movie I've seen in awhile. And, let me tell you, the $hitstack of movies pile really high in this house. I don't even know why I thought this sequel would be any good. I think I was just jonesing for a horror flick and just forced this one. The only thing fairly good about this movie was that they had some tig-ol-bitty girl showing her crops in the cornfield and later on, she got all busy with the main character for whatever reason. Half the time, I didn't even know what was going on. I just waited for that girl to come back onscreen. Oh yeah, and there was something about a scarecrow killing everybody going on. JEEPERS CREEPERS all of a sudden seems like the best horror movie ever made...


Okay. Been awhile. Back in school. Less time to watch movies. Maybe in my depressed, furloughed state I'll be watching more later...

The Haunting in Connecticut

PUSH - Kind of X-Menish. However, kinda original, as well. Actually watching WATCHMEN next, which seems to be along these same superhero lines. Instead of really specific names, all these characters had general names like "watchers," "pushers," "screamers," "shadows," etc. Dakota Fanning was in this one trying to add to her pubescent movie roles. Djimon Hounsou was also in it for my wife's viewing pleasure. That FANTASTIC FOUR Torch dude was another main character. All in all, pretty entertaining movie. Any of the X-Men movies are better, of course. Couldn't figure out why Beautiful wanted to watch this movie and Watchmen. Weird, huh. Must be the almost-all-male superhero cast that she looks forward to. Sounds about right. They should make a hot, semi-porn superhero movie with an all-hottie cast. Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, etc. I'd pay to watch that. They can call it PUSH, PUSH, IN THE BUSH...

BLOOD WORK - Catchy title. You'll see. An old Clint Eastwood flick. Thought I'd give it a chance because of his recent movie classics. GRAN TORINO, MILLION DOLLAR BABY, CHANGELING. All good, right? This one was a little dated. First part was kinda slow. Middle started picking up and finally got a little more graphic and interesting. By the end, I thought it was not bad. Kinda clever. Only one problem though. You'll figure out who's the killer right from the start. If you're gonna have only one other famous person in your movie, you might not wanna make that person the killer. Actually, another problem was that he inexplicably ooofed this Latino girl towards the ending of the movie out of leftfield. Director's benefit, I guess. His Viagra dosage probably didn't wear off yet. Seems like he was still developing his directing style in this one. Still, a pretty good thriller if you got time to kill. And already have HBO...

THE NAMESAKE - An Indian (7-11) movie about coming to America, but not losing your cultural identity. Kinda deep and heartfelt, I guess. Problem is, I'm not Indian. I just feel like drinking a slurpee. Kal Penn (Kumar) had the starring role. He's gotta be Bollywood's go-to Indian guy. If SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE and COMING TO AMERICA were a combo-documentary, it might look like this. I imagine many young, foreign people have this problem when they travel abroad and try to take advantage of opportunities not given to their ancestors. Wish more Hawaiians had this problem instead of being satisfied with living on the beach or invading Iolani Palace. How do you become a more well-rounded individual without losing your cultural identity? I would suspect that your racial lines become blurred the more you progress as a human being. What? Huh? You think my wife's Asian? No!! She's a confused mix of Hawaiian, White, and sometimes, even Black. She's Koa Woods...

EVERYONE'S HERO - Free movies at Dole Theaters!! Until you buy their outrageously priced snacks...that Da Lil' Manongs are going to end up wasting anyway. This animated baseball cartoon movie was okay, I guess. I actually slept about 3 or 4 times during the movie. That's how good it was. All I know is that if you were wondering whether or not you should have kids, go to Dole on Tuesdays, and I guarantee you you'll tie your tubes. Kinda hard to comment on any animated movie that's not Pixar. Or Dreamworks. Yeah, I've become a animated movie snob. That's what happens when you have kids that watch the same damn movie over and over and over and over. Kids enjoyed themselves (I think?), so that's all that matters...

THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT - Starring no one worth mentioning. Seen the preview of this? Looked scary as hell, right? Based on THE true story. Not A true story. Anyway, to be honest, there were some jump-outta-your-seat-$hit-in-your-pants moments. You know, turn around, scary guy right there, cue the loud music kinda stuff. Kinda repetitive though. And not to be all Academy Awards, but the acting, I thought, was terrible. Beautiful liked the true story of it all. I guess when you accept that this stuff actually happened, it is kinda crazy. I wanted more though. Scare me throughout instead of making me laugh and anticipate when something's obviously coming. I want to be scared so much that I'm thinking about it all through the night. I want to be afraid to leave my bed to go piss in the middle of the night. Nah, knock on wood. I just want to be entertained a little bit. I'd have to say that this was an overhyped movie. Unless you're not used to scary movies, then you might wanna rent this one 'cause it might scare you more than it did us. Here's a tip: don't watch scary movies with a fan blowing. The constant sound, to me, made the scary parts not as scary. How many times have I used the word "scary"? Turn off the lights, absolute silence, that probably would've been better. Couldn't help that it was damn hot last night though...


School's starting in a bit. That kinda sucks some major a$$. Netflix to the very end...

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Anybody actually read this junk? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller?


KNOWING - I be Knowing one thing. This movie was the shizzle until the very end. You gotta wonder how certain endings get approved. Reminded me of HANCOCK. Who the hell goes, "...and then we'll end with THIS!!"?? As far as sci-fi movies go, this one was damn good...until that Hollywood-crap ending. Also, had a little horror-suspense feel to it that we enjoyed. Nic Cage was his usual quirky self. Creepy apocalyptic concept. Great movie. Terrible ending...

THE UNBORN - Not bad. You've probably seen the preview and thought it would be good. We definitely got sucked in, but thought it would be better. Some somewhat scary parts. Maybe half a Hershey's squirt in my pants. They had a Megan Fox knockoff in this movie who always seemed to be walking around in some "cheekies." Perfect casting, if you ask me. Should've been scarier though. And she should've worn a thong...

MONGOL - Movie about the life of Genghis Khan before he created his empire. Pretty interesting. Beats watching a boring-a$$ documentary in Social Studies class. Cinematography was excellent. Don't all Asianish movies have beautiful scenery to look at? Felt like I was watching BRAVEHEART with Mongols. Gruesome fighting. Blood spurting everywhere. Definitely, a guys' movie. Apparently, proves the theory that guys do amazing things for their woman. It received some high ratings and I'd have to agree with them...

FRED CLAUS - Christmas in July! I don't know what the hell made me watch this movie, but I was pleasantly surprised. Vince Vaughn, Paul Giamatti, Kevin Spacey, Kathy Bates, Rachel Weisz, Elizabeth Banks, and Luda might've had something to do with it. Is it me or does Vince Vaughn always seem to be winging all his lines in every movie? They probably just roll the camera and let him go nuts. Can't believe he was in PSYCHO. Good family movie. Problem is, I was watching it all by myself. It was like ELF with heart minus the silly Will Ferrell antics...

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE - Guess who the half-blood prince is? Sssssss...like I would tell you. Okay, I don't know what all you bibliophiles think, but I thought the movie was pretty damn good. Cool effects. More adult-like violence. Cutesy love dodecahedrons here and there. I wonder what it's like growing up on a movie set? You think they all "first kiss" on set, too? Weird, huh. Anyway, the best praise I can give this movie is that it made me kinda wanna read the books. Kinda. The movies take so long to come out that I always forget who's who. I always try to remember my questions for after the movie and run it by my Slytherin wife. Despite all the hype, I'm always pretty satisfied watching the movies. Of course, that may be because I've never read any of the books. The whole Harry Potter world is pretty genius and profitable...


Summer's winding down. Probably get depressed and watch even more movies during the remaining time...